I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
