I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
