this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
