ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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