you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
