apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You are a genius and a whore.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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