I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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