im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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