I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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