Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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