I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
