The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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