Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
