dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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