I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
