exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
