Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
