I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
