I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I touched a dick in church today
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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