I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just invented taco cereal.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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