i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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