after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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