I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
