we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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