i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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