Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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