Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
