i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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