I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
