you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
