I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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