I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
