Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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