if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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