it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
