I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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