6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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