i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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