peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
