Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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