Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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