I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I party with great urgency now.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
