i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
