My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
