weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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