I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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