So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
