Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
