But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
