so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize