at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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