I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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