dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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