You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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