I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
