Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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