You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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