Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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