you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
