the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize