first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
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West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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