A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
