She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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