It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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