if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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