you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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