she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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